brain-food:

And i know it feels that way just because i’m doing it differently than most people. I go with the flow. Gut decisions rather than sensible ones. People feel like homes, houses and apartments feel like dead ends. I suffocate with routines, and struggle every day with wanting to go off the grid for years because i know it would completely kill my father. 

I want to disappear. I want to throw my book bag over my shoulders and never return. This world is so huge that i’m constantly awake wondering to myself why we feel like we’re meant to only explore the things we see on our way to work. I can’t do that. I won’t do that. 

So i’m struggling. Figuring out how to just, soar without leaving those few behind. I have tunnel vision. I only want to see ahead and trying to learn that looking behind doesn’t always mean i’ll get chains on my feet. I get this acceleration going where it looks like i’m running away when really i’m just.. being who i am. I want to constantly learn, travel, grow, be open, and change what i want to do with my life. I want to have the option, the freedom to be indecisive. 

I want to give something back to this world, make an impact, even if its so insanely small that no one else but me will notice. And i just don’t see that impact in the life plan i see most people living or the one people wish i wanted to live. I’m not looking for something, i just really enjoy selfishly looking at everything. Wrong just happens to be right for me.

It probably always will.